Spice - part one

From a gkm prompt: Future fic, married Klaine. Kurt is assigned to write a sex column designed to help readers with their vanilla sex lives and isn’t happy about it. Until he and Blaine discover that maybe a little spice isn’t so bad after all. Various kinks in future chapters.


Ask Aphrodite:

Dear Aphrodite, I’ve been sexually active for ten years and have never had an orgasm. I want to, and I do enjoy sex, but I just can’t seem to let go and get there. Is there something wrong with me? 


The lights in the room are dimmed, soft jazz humming from the vintage record player, candles flickering from the top of the dresser and bookshelf; lavender and rose and sage, and Kurt realizes he is starting to have a somewhat concerning physical reaction to floral scents. 

Dim lights and jazz and flowery candles mean sex. Sex with Blaine, who is waiting patiently on the bed, stripped to his briefs, legs crossed at the ankle and hands tucked behind his head.

Kurt sighs, scrubs his hands over his face. “I’m sorry, honey. I’m almost done I swear.”

“It’s okay. Though I might just take matters into my own hands soon.” Blaine slips one palm down his torso, fingertips slipping past the waistband.

“You wouldn’t. It’s blowjob Tuesday, your favorite.”

Kurt turns back to the obnoxiously bright screen of his laptop, reads the same question he’d been over dozens of times now and still has no clue how to answer. He swirls a finger over the trackpad, watches the little arrow as it dances across the page to the slow, sinuous melody.

“What are you working on anyway? I thought things would calm down after the Fashion Week aftermath was done.” Blaine sits up and scoots over to the edge of the bed.

“It did. But then Kate left on maternity leave and Isabelle was stuck with divvying up all of her columns and regular features. I swear that woman doesn’t sleep, and I have no idea how she had to time to get knocked up with everything that she had on her plate.” Kurt glares at his laptop again, then opens the internet tab. Orgasm is such a strange word. He should look up the etymology. For…research. 

“Oh, I love that column! Is that what you’re stuck on?” Blaine’s head pops up to read over his shoulder, and Kurt resists the irrational instinct to slam the computer closed. 

“Yes, and I somehow got assigned her side column for Allure. Which is sex advice. For women. At a women’s magazine. I think it’s safe to say I’m stuck, yes.”

“You’re really good at sex though, so that helps.” Blaine nuzzles his face against Kurt’s, then nibbles at his ear.

“It doesn’t, actually.” Kurt replies, reaching up to pat his cheek. “But thank you.”

“Hmm, you should take a break then. Let me clear your mind.” Blaine mouths behind the lobe, sucking a spot at the hinge of his jaw that never fails to get Kurt going. A simmering heat starts to build low, his mind going wonderfully hazy as Blaine moves to kiss down his neck. Maybe he should take a break-

“No orgasm in ten years, ouch. I think I’d explode.” Blaine’s teeth sink into the curve of neck and shoulder.

“Maybe I should just write that. Dear reader, that sucks. Try not to spontaneously combust from sexual frustration.” 

Blaine snorts against his shoulder, then straightens up. “Well, sort of.” Kurt raises an eyebrow. “I mean, there’s no reason she can’t…explore what makes her feel good. And yeah, get some professional advice if she needs to. But no one should feel ashamed of a little self-love to find out what turns them on, right?”

With that he hooks his thumbs in his briefs, tugging them off, then throws them over his shoulder with a flourish and does a little shimmy as he turns away. Kurt laughs and rolls his eyes, but has to bite his lip to focus on finishing the advice column.

Dearest Unsatisfied, I am not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV, but I do think it would be wise to go see one and get anything physical ruled out first. But aside from that sex is  inherently about making yourself vulnerable to another person. You will never be more bared- mentally and physically- as you are during intimate moments. I would encourage you to spend some time focusing on what makes you feel good, put any judgements or expectations or shame aside. Try a vibrator, fantasize, show your partner what makes you tick. And the value of a good lubricant cannot be overstated.


He attaches it to an email and sends it off to Isabelle before he has a chance to overanalyze and second-guess himself, spinning his chair around and pouncing on Blaine with a smirking grin. He had just gotten himself settled between Blaine’s spread thighs when his phone chirps from the bedside table with a new text.

Blaine groans, throws an arm over his face with a muffled, “Just get it, I know you won’t be able to concentrate if you don’t.”

Kurt licks up the underside of Blaine’s cock once before stretching up to retrieve his phone and checking the text, then decides to worry about what Isabelle meant later, and sets back to the task at hand. Well. Mouth, in this case.

From Isabelle: Perfect! I knew you’d be good at that! Wait until you see what fun the next assignment is. You and that handsome husband of yours will really enjoy it ;)

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